mixtape monday #3: 2010 playlist (part one)

Mixtape Mondays is an idea thought up by my friend Aaron over at his blog. I just stole it.

So, on the way home from work the other day, taking a different tube line from normal so that I could ride aboveground for most of it, I looked out over dirty grey decrepit London, and felt this huge swell of love, for my adopted city, for my life, for everything. And I thought about how mow much had happened in a year, and how much had and hadn't changed, and how I wanted, needed to write about it. And then I decided that I should make a playlist for 2010. Here's what I scribbled in my notebook on that train ride:

"It would have to have Kanye on it, of course - starting with "All of the Lights," I think, because blogging is telling a personal story and it's got that duality to it, of an excercise in honesty, but also "look at me. pay attention to me." And Janelle Monae, because I've listened to her so much this year I couldn't not. The Clash and The Libertines for London, and the student protestors. Something for Cornwall... Seth Lakeman. And The Beatles' "Here Comes the Sun" and U2's "Desire" because there's a moment to fit those basically every year (even if I don't always act on the latter). Bowie's "John, I'm Only Dancing" because I was and I will be and it's been so long, since... never, really, that I was comfortable enough in my own skin to dance. Lady Gaga for the same reason, plus my fascination with her. W/IFS both for leaving and for drinking in London. But what about at the beginning...? Okkervil River, Nick Cave, Laura Marling. The National's "England," of course. And ending... ending with The Weepies, and then John and Paul's Christmas songs."

So here's what came out of that. Even though I had some tough times this year, there's not very many sad songs on here. Because even when I was crying every day and phoning home and completely unsure of what to do I was never sad, not really. Not like I have been. But there's lots of wailing, loud, defiant stuff, because that's what I blared in my headphones job hunting - because fuck you, I wasn't gonna give up this for anything - or what I listen to on the Tube to block out fellow commuters. That's enough introspection for this post, I think. There's a bit of a general story arc of the year to the way I've arranged the songs, but some of them really are just songs I listened to a lot. An exercise in self-indulgence (certain lyrics from each song) is behind the cut.

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All Of the Lights - Kanye West
turn up the lights in here, baby/ extra bright, i want y'all to see this/ turn up the lights in here, baby/ you know what i need/ want you to see everything.

The Rain - Sons Of Bill
and i could blame it on the moon/ for calling me out tonight/ and maybe i'm a little bit lonesome baby,/ and maybe my head ain't right

Gardenia - Mandy Moore
i don't wanna hang up the phone yet/ it's been good getting to know me more

Darkness on the Edge of Town - Bruce Springsteen
everybody's got a secret, sonny/ something that they just can't face

The Wanderer - Johnny Cash
the rain, it burns/ like the tears when i said goodbye/ yeah, i went with nothing/ nothing but the thought of you

High Lonesom - The Gaslight Anthem
and in my head there's all these classic cars and outlaw cowboy bands/ i always kinda sorta wished i was someone else

Wrecking Ball - Mother Mother
you gotta wanna be the drummer in the band/ you gotta wanna be a battering ram/ you gotta see the artistry/ in tearing the place apart with me, baby

Addicted to Bad Ideas - The World/Inferno Friendship Society

because i can/ 'cause no-one can stop me/ 'cause it makes up for things i've lost/ because i'm addicted to bad ideas/ and all the beauty in this world

Lost Coastlines - Okkervil River
who said sailing is fine?/ leaving behind all the faces that I might replace/ if I tried on that long ride,/ looking deep inside/ but I don't want to look so deep inside yet.

The Ship Song - Nick Cave & the Bad Seeds
come sail your ships around me/ and burn your bridges down/ we'll make a little history, baby/ every time you come around

Rambling Man - Laura Marling
oh, give me to a rambling man/ let it always be known that i was who i am

Ghost to Coast - Fake Problems
i’ve got a lack of motivation, a lapse in ambition/ i sit and watch the fire burn, wish i could burn with it/ i’ve fallen by the wayside of pretentious young writers, looking for inspiration in party time liars

Cold War - Janelle Monae
don't you cry when i say goodbye

Born Free - M.I.A.
i was born free!

Two More Years - Bloc Party
you don't need simple answers/ for questions that are asked of you/ (two more years/ so hold on)

Gimme Sympathy - Metric
who would you rather be?/ the beatles or the rolling stones?

Here Comes the Sun - The Beatles
here comes the sun, little darling/ and i say "it's alright"

Oh My Sweet Carolina - Ryan Adams
i was trying to find me something but i wasn't sure just what/ funny how they say that some things never change

Cry When You Get Older - Robyn
hold up now stop a minute i got something on my dirty mind/ i start off with good intentions but mess it up like all the time

Die By The Drop - The Dead Weather
i got myself a problem/ that i've been looking to sell

Love the Way You Lie - Eminem feat. Rihanna
that's alright, because i love the way it hurts

Bullet the Blue Sky (Outside Broadcast Version) - U2
through the alleys of a quiet city street/ take the staircase to the first floor/ turn the key, unlock the door

Precious Things - Tori Amos
those demigods/ with their nine-inch nails/ and little fascist panties/ tucked inside the heart/ of every nice girl

On to the Next One - Jay-Z
y'all should be afraid of what i'm gonna do next

Tightrope - Janelle Monae feat. Big Boi
ain't no equivocating/ i fight for what i believe... now whether you're high or low/ you've got to tip on the tightrope

England - The National
put an ocean and a river between everything/ yourself, and home

Down In the Tube Station At Midnight - The Jam
cold and uninviting, partially naked/ except for toffee wrappers and this morning's papers

Immigraniada (We Comin' Rougher) - Gogol Bordello
our destinies jammed every day/ like deleted scenes from kafka/ flushed down the bureaucratic drain

Monster - Kanye West
you could be the king, but watch the queen conquer/... now look at what you just saw/ this is what you live for/ ahhh!/ i'm a motherfucking monster

Dig, Lazarus, Dig!!! - Nick Cave & the Bad Seeds
well, i don't know what it is/ but there's definitely something going on upstairs

Kid Gloves - Doomtree
fuck my birthstone/ what's my bloodtype?/ let's do this thing/ with a little more nerve/ and a little foresight/ 'course i expect the shit it got rough/ 'cause it always does in life and love

Anything, Anything - Dramarama
ok, what is it tonight?/ please just tell me what the hell is wrong/ do you wanna eat,/ do you wanna sleep,/ do you wanna drown?/ just settle down, settle down

Dance In the Dark - Lady Gaga
baby loves to dance in the dark/ 'cause when he's looking she falls apart

Pick Up the Phone - Dragonette
congratulations i'm having visions of us/ breaking everything on our way out of town/ we're going places you never dreamed of

Father's Son - Fistful of Mercy
if my secret dreams could be seen on screen/ then they'll be coming for this one

Badlands - Bruce Springsteen
we're the ones who had a notion deep inside/ that it ain't no sin to be glad you're alive

Time For Heroes - The Libertines
did you see the stylish kids in the riot?/ shovelled up like muck/ set the night on fire

Death or Glory - The Clash
death or glory becomes just another story

Desire - U2
lover, i'm on the street/ gonna go where the bright lights/ and the big city meet/ with a red guitar on fire/ - desire

John, I'm Only Dancing -David Bowie
i saw you watching from the stairs/ you're everyone who ever cared!/ john, i'm only dancing/ don't get me wrong

Not In Love - Crystal Castles feat. Robert Smith
'cause it's cold outside/ when you coming home/ 'cause it's hot outside/ isn't that enough/ i'm not in love

Stay On the Charming Side of Drunk - The World/Inferno Friendship Society
...and leave without saying goodbye/ i'm sentimental if you know what i mean/ i hate the music but i love the scene/ always find myself in bars/ always back to the tarot cards

World Spins Madly On - The Weepies
the night is here and day is gone/ and the world spins madly on/ i thought of you

Long Way Home - Tom Waits
and i know that i said/ i'd never do it again/ but forgive me pretty baby 'cause i always take the long way home

Happy Xmas (War Is Over) - John Lennon & Yoko Ono
so this is christmas/ and what have you done?/ another year over/ and a new one just begun

(Simply Having) A Wonderful Christmas Time - Paul McCartney
the moon is right/ the spirit's up/ we're here tonight/ and that's enough